Choosing Joy
“We can live life without joy, but I believe we aren’t fully living if we aren’t actively pursuing, chasing, seeking, creating, and straight up running down joy every single day. The good days, the bad days, the awful days, and even the really broken days.”
I’m addicted to laughing. I love to laugh. It breaks down walls between people, it makes life more fun, it creates shared experiences, and for me, it helps me reset about what’s really important.
When my girls were younger and the days were longer (read: sleep was scarce), I set a goal to make them laugh every day. Women wiser than me consistently tell me to enjoy all the moments because they go by quickly, and I have found they are right. Focusing on making them laugh daily forced me to step away from the dishes and laundry and do the most important work of my life.
Not only does laughing make life more fun, but Mayo Clinic research also shows there are numerous health benefits. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by our brains. It activates and relieves our stress response. In the long run, laughter can also improve our immune system, relieve pain, and improve personal satisfaction.
While I love to laugh, some days it’s really hard. Seven years into my third decade, I have determined my 30’s are meant to be the decade of self-discovery. Good news: I only have three years left! Bad news: I’m doing self-discovery the hard way, I guess. Some people choose to discover themselves by traveling the world, volunteering during national disasters, or going on reflective retreats. I am (often unknowingly!) choosing to do this through tons of mistakes, a lot of questioning, a healthy dose of heartache, and endless moments of being deeply humbled.
Most minutes of most days I am desperate to just be done with it. I focus on how quickly I can learn my lesson, get through the crappy stuff, and move on. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts when it comes to self-discovery. The lessons are in the pain, in the journey, in the messy middle. This is also where life happens. We can’t wait to start our lives when things are “good.” We are called to live and laugh no matter the circumstances.
I submit to you we have a choice of how we show up during the extended tough seasons. We can choose the path of bitterness, or we can choose the path of joy.
CHOOSING JOY WHEN JOY IS HARD
When is the last time you laughed? Like, truly laughed. The kind that makes your abs sore, that makes your eyes water, that’s infectious to those around you. I hope it was recent. Opportunities to laugh are all around us is we’re willing to look.
While I love to laugh, this isn’t really about laughter.
Laughter is simply an outward, physical expression of a deeply internal emotion. Joy.
I like this description of joy from Life Hack, and how it differs from happiness:
Joy is an emotion. It’s a simple and light-hearted spark that transcends through your body and leaves feeling good vibrations. It carries no burden or expectations.
Happiness – also an emotion – is usually accompanied with an attachment to an idea, a destination or experience. As a result, it tends to weigh profoundly heavier on our subconscious. Usually when we don’t meet these set expectations, it affects our happiness in the different areas of our lives.
We can live life without joy, but I believe we aren’t fully living if we aren’t actively pursuing, chasing, seeking, creating, and straight up running down joy every single day. The good days, the bad days, the awful days, and even the really broken days. Can you imagine a day that starts with a crushing fight with your partner, and instead of carrying that heavy weight of sadness and despair with you all day, you seek joy before you arrive at work for the day? Maybe you call a friend you’ve been thinking about, maybe you buy an extra coffee at Starbucks to give to the homeless man who is sleeping in your office parking lot, or maybe you wake your kids up by tickling them. Can you imagine a night when you find out your precious child has made a huge mistake, and instead of going to darkness, doubt, and desperation, you find a moment of joy to calm your family’s heart before going to bed that night? Maybe it’s a round of gratitude statements, maybe it’s a prayer of peace, or maybe it’s watching the stupidest, funniest movie ever.
Joy doesn’t always need to be an act. Sometimes we should call or talk or engage or tickle. But many times taking those actions are hard. Especially when we are low. So sometimes all it takes is to open our eyes and notice. Joy is all around us. Sometimes we don’t need to create it. We just need to see it.
I am living with many fears in this season of life, but one thing I do not fear is death. I have little to no fear about the end of my life. What scares the hell out of me is not living. This life is too short to waste a day, a moment, or a breath. Finding and creating joy is the foundation for an inspired life.
Don’t let me fool you into believing I have this all figured out. Part of why I’m writing this to you is as a reminder to myself that joy is just as essential to my heart as blood. Many of my weeks are filled with more bad days than good ones and I struggle to want to find joy. It’s easier to put on my comfy clothes, curl up on the couch, and watch romance movies. When I’m at my best though, here’s what I’m doing to choose joy.
1. Focus on life.
Joy does not come from stuff. No amount of retail therapy, medication, vacations, or anything else human-made can bring us true joy. Joy comes from that which is alive - the people in our lives, our precious pets, the good earth around us. A moment invested in the people around you is never wasted. While I believe this with every ounce of my being, it can be hard for me to execute. At home, I have chores that compete with my focus on people. At work, I have metrics that compete with my focus on people. When I’m giving my best to the world, I am being generous with my time with people, and oh boy am I finding joy! As an extrovert, people fill my bucket and bring me the greatest joy. If people aren't your thing, play with your dog in the backyard. Go for a walk and be intentional about appreciating the nature around you. Choosing joy through life is incredibly healing to our hearts, minds, and bodies.
2. Embrace grace and humility.
News flash: you’re not perfect. Neither are the people around you. So let’s stop judging. Spending time on judgment, gossip, or taking others down to feel better about your circumstances is deadly. It will suck the joy right out of your heart. Can we humble ourselves, level the human playing field, and believe we’re all just trying to figure out this thing called life together? Brene Brown challenges us to believe that everyone is giving their best every day.
“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown
If we approach every person we encounter throughout the day with that belief, wouldn’t we give everyone the exact right amount of grace? There is so much joy to be found in thinking of ourselves less and others more. This posture might help us see people’s good hearts instead of their rude words or unexplainable actions. In those moments of frustration in the grocery store, at a networking event, or in your home when someone is just downright rude, I challenge us to offer all the grace they need, and seek to offer love and support, and then take a moment to measure the joy in your heart.
3. Look with fresh eyes.
It is so easy as we get older to see the world the way we’ve always seen it, or the way we want to see it. I often look at my children and am envious of the sense of wonder they have about the world. Their perspective is constantly changing because they are experiencing something new, learning something for the first time, and asking a million questions about everything. When and why did we stop doing this as adults? If we have a desire for more joy in our hearts, I believe we must be constantly changing our perspective about our circumstances, relationships, surroundings, and approaches to the past or future.
Joy comes from the inside out. My prayer for us is first that we are willing to create space in our hearts and minds for joy to set up residence. We have the potential to be infinitely happier and more content in our lives if we are open to the possibility. I challenge us to create space for laughter, to choose to see the good in each other, and to make the small efforts to create moments of joy every day.
