What wrecks you?
"How do we prove who we are? ... We know who we are by how we love people. And not just the lovable people, the people that creep us out. It's how you love them. That's where we get our identity. That's how people know us."
Bob Goff
I listened to a podcast about a year ago that wrecked me. Do you ever have those moments? The moment when you hear a message, see a quote, read a passage, open to a scripture that was seemingly written precisely for you in that exact moment, and the words land so hard and so heavy you mentally (maybe even physically) fall to your knees. Yep, it was one of those moments for me.
I heard it while driving in my car. I have a great car with important safety features, but my favorite amenity is the sound system. I only like to listen to music one way: really loud. I love being suffocated by the sound, the lyrics, the bass. While not quite the same feeling, I do love to listen to my podcasts quite loud as well. As a lover of words, I want to make sure every word sinks in because I trust the speaker has chosen his or her words carefully.
This particular day was no exception. The volume crept up after every impactful comment the speaker made. His name is Bob Goff. He moved me to a new way of doing life with people after I read his book, Love Does (given to me by one of the most thoughtful and intentional women I know, @reneequinn.yoga). His talk was about our life's work. Here's the line that wrecked me: "How do we prove who we are? ... We know who we are by how we love people. And not just the lovable people, the people that creep us out. It's how you love them. That's where we get our identity. That's how people know us." In case you're feelin' it, here are a few other wreck-worthy gems:
"Humble voices carry further."
"I'm not trying to be right anymore, I'm trying to be Jesus."
"If you want a report card on your faith, see how you're loving the people you disagree with the most."
"Our work is helping hurting people."
"I want to fail trying, not watching."
So what do you do after a wrecking moment like that? Well, first I listened to the podcast again, and listened to that particular line at least a dozen times until it really sank in. Then I took inventory of how I am loving the people who are the most disruptive in my life. (You know what I mean by "disruptive," right?) It wasn't pretty, and I am not proud. As a result, here is what I know about this wreck-worthy moment:
1. I will not be the same after accepting this moment.
Something in our hearts changes after we are touched so deeply and personally like this, and we are unable to approach our lives the same as we did before. For me on this occasion, my heart was softened to the people I wanted out of my life. I see them differently. As much as I want to turn my back on them, God wrecked me to love them more deeply and pursue relationship with them with more perseverance than ever before.
2. People aren't the enemy.
My pastor repeatedly says, "People aren't the enemy. The enemy is the enemy." I remind myself of this every day. When someone is rude at the store or cuts me off on the freeway. When a colleague or friend makes an unintended hurtful remark. Even when people I thought I could trust break my heart. I also remind myself of the unintentional hurt I cause to others. I am beyond hopeful that when I am unloving to anyone in any way, that eventually they might see my true heart and have the courage to share their pain so I can apologize and seek their forgiveness.
3. I do not have anything to prove.
I've lived my entire life trying to prove I'm worthy of love, worthy of respect, worthy of acknowledgment. I've been trying to prove I'm valuable, I care insanely, and I empathize deeply. Trying to prove I am not ordinary. What I realized upon reflection is that by trying so hard for so long to prove who I am or am not, I did not allow time to just be. I did not allow time to simply love people - both the easy to love and the hard to love - and let the depth of my heart be seen. I challenge you to give yourself the freedom to simply be, and find who you are in those moments.
4. It is better to be known.
I tried to hide for a long time because I feared my true self was not enough. The suit of armor I wore protected me from being seen for my flaws, for my goofiness, for my imperfections. The problem with this is no one trusts a perfect human, so as much as I wanted to work toward loving the people who creep me out the most, my inability to be known sabotaged my effort from the start. This wreck-worthy moment was one to reflect on the gap between my true self and who I am presenting to the world, and gave me permission to start closing this divide. How wide is the gap between you and your image
For me, this moment that changed my course was about seeing people I was trying to avoid. I was called out for my selfishness, and called up to give love and build relationships. For you, that moment might be realizing your secret sin has "taken you farther than you ever wanted to go and cost you more than you ever wanted to pay" (quote credit to @rogerarcher, and a bunch of other smart people). It might be admitting your addiction is ruling - and ruining - your life. It might be adding up your financial debts and realizing you are in way over your head. It might be acknowledging it's time for a change you have been terrified to make for far too long. Whatever that wreck-worthy moment is for you, know you are not alone. I have been there, and I stand ready to walk with you.
I purchased a bracelet recently that reads: I am strong, I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough. These words are as true for you as they are for me. Here is my challenge to us this week: Believe we are strong, acknowledge and absorb our personal wreck-worthy moment, and take one collective step toward love.
