Perspective
“Life is too short to live with anything less than everything. I cannot live at the bottom of the mountain when I know what's at the top.”
I spent the last month trying to avoid this topic, because when I write about the mess when I'm in the middle of it, it always comes out more raw than I am comfortable with. But I was talking to my ride-or-die on the phone recently and she said these words: "I just need to change my perspective." And that's when I knew this is the topic I need to wrestle with.
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Arguably the best perspective I've had in my life was from the top of Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. At 3,563 feet above sea level, I knew without a doubt my life had meaning. Purpose. Direction. A mission. Standing with @chadnico, a friend who would become one of my closest confidants in the years to follow, we needed no words to know this moment called us to pursue life to its fullest. Never again could we live life without working toward something bigger than ourselves.
While every picture tells a story, this photo in no way demonstrates the agony that came before this moment. I don't know if I was naive, tricked, or just plain negligent in my preparation, but when our small group arrived at this tourist trap, I thought we were embarking on an easy one- or two-hour hike. Despite a lifetime in the Pacific Northwest, I had not spent much time hiking, and when I did, it was the simple walk-in-your-tennis-shoes-and-stay-on-the-flat-trail kind of hiking. Over the next four hours, I pushed my body beyond its limits, sweat more than I thought humanly possible, and hiked in a way I still have not matched to this day.
Whether it's literally on top of a mountain or not, I know we've all had these moments where we've worked hard and subsequently gained a perspective that is solid, promising, confident, clear.
Losing Sight and Shifting Perspective
I've realized over the last month that I've lost perspective. That girl on the mountain is unrecognizable to me today.
I used to believe perspective was one of my greatest gifts, which I owe to my mother. She has the most positive outlook on life, and while I can't match her level of optimism, she taught me to look for the good. This perspective has helped me turn death and loss into a gratitude for life. Broken trust and betrayal into empathy and forgiveness. Mistakes into life lessons.
My current perspective is guided by anxiety, fear, sadness, and failure. Allowing this perspective blocks gratitude and blinds me from seeing the good.
It's time for a shift.
Life is too short to live with anything less than everything. I cannot live at the bottom of the mountain when I know what's at the top. So it's time to own my shit, cancel the pity party, turn away from the shame, and make a conscious choice to change my view. I am struggling, but I am not broken.
If you are like me and need a perspective shift, here is my advice from two key areas of my life recently - work and relationships.
WORK > Fall in love with whatever you do.
First, you get to define "work" for this to be helpful. Your job might be serving the greatest cause-driven organization in the world, staying at home and raising children, working a traditional nine-to-five, or anything in between. Regardless, you spend a lot of time on this, so it should be meaningful.
For me, it's been more than four months, and not a work day has gone by that I haven't struggled in some way with the change in my career. People still ask if I feel relieved with less responsibility and more free time. I know the correct answer should be "yes." If I am honest though, the authentic answer is that I thrived on the pace and chaos of my previous life, and I miss it with every ounce of my being.
But focusing on all of that is not moving me forward, nor helping the organization I serve. I don't know about you, but sometimes my perspective gets stuck in the rearview mirror, at what was or what could have been, instead of being grateful for what is and what can be.
The perspective shift: How we define our work.
My work is not marketing, communications, philanthropy, or customer experience. My work is helping and serving people. At the core of every career choice I've made, it has always been in service to the mission of leaving this world a better place, and I believe that's accomplished through people. (I mean, recycling is helpful too, it's just not my jam.)
In the last four months, I lost sight of that central purpose. Have you ever been so focused on what you lost, that you forget all the amazing things you still have? For me, I forgot what I gained at the top of Table Mountain - an internal fire to give everything I have in service to something greater than myself. My current circumstances in no way inhibit my ability to serve, love, and help people.
Recently, I decided I would show up to work every minute of every day with a heart of possibility and a relentless desire to serve. I am giving nothing less than everything, and have no expectations from anyone. Most days are still tough, but with my heart and mind in the right space, I am tougher.
RELATIONSHIPS > Look for the good in people.
My daughters are my world and I want nothing more than to give them a strong foundation upon which to build their sweet little lives. For us, this foundation includes faith, love, kindness, respect, and forgiveness. Several months ago, it became apparent to me that my nine-going-on-sixteen-year-old was lacking respect for many of the adults in her life, present company included. Do you ever go through seasons when someone close to you isn't meeting one or more of your expectations and you feel overwhelmed by the gravity of their repeated poor decisions?
I was devastated to feel like I am failing in yet another area of my life. Even worse, I'm not just failing myself, I am setting my sweet girl up for failure by not giving her a solid foundation of respect. We established a new order in the house, and I was dead set on changing this girl's attitude and trajectory. After a couple months of slow progress, I hit a low point. I wanted to give up on her. I wanted to resign to the fact that she was simply a disrespectful person who would always be this way regardless of my best parenting skills. (Maybe slightly dramatic.)
The perspective shift: See people through the eyes of their creator.
In the middle of my low point, I texted a woman I trust, hoping she would not judge me for my inadequacy as a parent, and expecting nothing but a listening ear. What I received was this unexpected and poignant response:
“I will pray right now. For the Lord to open your heart to see her gifts of the spirit, and to create a space for you to find balance in how you interact with her. And that He breathes wisdom into you in how to guide her in love and remove bias from her hurtful actions. And that He also lay His will into her. That He show her the true meaning of acting justly in love and not be selfish and that her spirit not be shadowed.”
Friends, we need people like this in our lives who will shift our perspective when we are incapable. If you don't have a tribe of these people, adjust your schedule and make time for relationships to carry you through the times when your perspective is off.
Her words guided me to close my eyes and envision how God created my daughter. Without fail, every time I do this with anyone in my life, He reveals to me that He created us in His image, and that we are all internally good. He shows me my daughter on the day she was born. She is filled with innocence and purity, and I am filled with awe and hope. I am reminded of the sin in the world that infiltrates all of us, and she is no exception. Her disrespect is not a reflection of her heart, it is the result of her circumstances. And it’s my role as her parent to help her live by faith, not by sight. Help her see that her circumstances do not define her, how she overcomes them does. Help her see that she is and will always be good and pure, and I know this based on His word, not mine:
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart...” Jeremiah 1:5.
I believe this perspective will change every relationship in our lives, especially those with whom we are struggling. Try it.
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Here is the lesson I am learning: to gain or regain a mountain top perspective - the kind that assures us to our core that our life is worth living and we will find purpose and fulfillment - requires perseverance and patience. It requires us to push our spirit, mind, and body past the point of no return. It requires us to own our story - the beautiful chapters, and the ugly ones. And it requires us to look in the mirror and accept all that we are, and all that we are not.
Because this takes time, I’ll share this advice I received recently as my request to you: live in the search, not the answer.
I also used my Pinterest skills to find you the best quotes on perspective, I hope one of them inspires you.
